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Cocktail
lounge, Norway:
LADIES
ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At
a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE
DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO
THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Doctors
office, Rome:
SPECIALIST
IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Hotel,
Acapulco:
THE
MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
Information
booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES
AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL
YOURSELF.
Car
rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN
PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY
AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.
Sign
in men's rest room in Japan:
TO
STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT
In
a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS
WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On
the grounds of a private school:
NO
TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
On
an Athi River highway:
TAKE
NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On
a poster at Kencom:
ARE
YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
In
a City restaurant:
OPEN
SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
One
of the Mathare buildings:
MENTAL
HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.
A
sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
DO
NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.
In
a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO
CHILDREN ALLOWED.
In
a cemetery
PERSONS
ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Sign
in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.
Tokyo
hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS
ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On
the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR
WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In
a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL
COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
In
a Bangkok temple:
IT
IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Hotel
room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE
DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.
Hotel
brochure, Italy:
THIS
HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM
ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
Hotel
lobby, Bucharest:
THE
LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET
THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
Hotel
elevator, Paris:
PLEASE
LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
Hotel,
Yugoslavia:
THE
FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel,
Japan:
YOU
ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In
the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU
ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS,
ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Hotel
catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT
TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.
Taken
from a menu, Poland:
SALAD
A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM
OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY
PEOPLE'S FASHION.
Supermarket,
Hong Kong:
FOR
YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
From
the "Soviet Weekly":
THERE
WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS
AND
SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
In
an East African newspaper:
A
NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN
IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
Hotel,
Vienna:
IN
CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.
A
sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT
IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT
SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY
ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel,
Zurich:
BECAUSE
OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM,
IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
An
advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH
EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
A
laundry in Rome:
LADIES,
LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Tourist
agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE
ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS.
WE
GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
Advertisement
for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD
YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
The
box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED
TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
In
a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL
TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.
Airline
ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE
TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
On
the door of a Moscow hotel room:
IF
THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.
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